resolution.

word of the day: resolution \re-zə-lü-shən\ a.) something that is resolved b.) the point in a literary work when the chief dramatic complication is worked out

I made a resolution to write more in 2012.  So far, not so good.

I've never been very good at resolutions.

When I think about it, "resolution" is kind of an interesting word.  In one context, it is a beginning of sorts. A resolution is synonymous with a goal when the New Year hits.  It's also an end; it's the point at which the conflict of a story ties up all its loose ends.  As I like to say in 9th grade, it's the point when the boy across the street pulls out the folded piece of paper and finally admits to the nerdy version of Taylor Swift, "You Belong With Me."

A resolution is the end.  But it’s also a beginning.  Further proof to the theory that life is a story and we hold the pen, but I guess I’m getting ahead of myself.

2011 ended in a whirlwind of complications.  We moved out of the pool house a week before Christmas only to find that we couldn’t move into our new apartment until New Year’s Eve.  The resolution to that complication was to be roommates with my family for a week and a half.  While it wasn’t how we planned to spend our Christmas break, it was nice to spend some extra time with my family.  We’re beyond thankful for their hospitality even though they convinced Ginny that their home is her home. 

We moved out of my parents’ house and into Jake’s parents’ house for the next five days.  I’m now in my fourth year as a Flinkman, and I’m finally starting to fully appreciate the hustle and bustle that is Flinkman.  Going from a family Christmas of four to a family Christmas of fourteen takes a little getting used to and a few sessions of locking yourself in the bathroom to escape the noise, but I’m realizing that that is becoming something I look forward to before visits each year.  And I don’t lock myself in the bathroom anymore.  That really only happened once…

We shot guns…

We sat around the table…

We played “The Newlywed Game” and officially took away Jeremy and Kelly’s bragging rights for (let’s face it) forever…

Then we came back to reality which was a New Year’s Eve spent unpacking, rearranging, and wearing layers (the heat in our apartment hadn’t been turned on yet).  As we watched the ball drop surrounded by boxes and to dos yet to be checked off, “overwhelmed” was an understatement for the state of my mind. 

The only respite I found was my vacation to Dillon, Texas.  I’m thankful to the Panthers (and ultimately Lions) for letting me vacation to their town for hours at a time.  Tami and Coach Taylor were great hosts and I find myself slowing down my visits in order to prolong our relationship. 

Clear eyes.  Full hearts.  Can’t lose.

In any case, we’re mostly moved in to our new apartment.  By mostly moved in, I mean that the spare bedroom is a disaster and there’s a pile of stuff in the bedroom that needs to be sorted, but I just can’t bring myself to unpack anything else for the time being.  It’ll get done.

Our porch door looks directly at Des Moines University, and Jake and my’s face time as dramatically improved.  Ultimately I know the move has been a good thing because I haven’t yet eaten Ramen Noodles alone on the couch for dinner.

Ginny’s adjusting.  We’re pretty sure she spends her entire day face glued to the window anxiously awaiting a sign of one of us.  Her new bark collar isn’t her favorite accessory, but unfortunately she wouldn’t listen to reason. 

So here we are.  Back in the swing of things with a completely new swing of things.  My resolution to write more has already failed, but really, when have I ever made good on a resolution past January? 

I suppose that’s why I never really pay attention to New Year’s Resolutions.  Why set a goal I know I’m going to fail? Why create an expectation I’m never going to live up to?

Resolutions always seem to bring conflicts.  The goal to go to the gym more means you actually have to make going to the gym a priority.  The goal to run that half marathon means you actually have to get off the couch and run.  The goal to write more means you actually have to take time to write. *

The story doesn’t write itself.  I’m learning a lot about myself already this 2012, and I’m realizing that my desire to be more like Christ (a resolution I suppose) always comes with complications.  Challenges to overcome.  Stress that threatens to consume you.  People who are difficult to love.  An apartment that needs unpacking.  A to-do list that doesn’t seem to ever shorten.  The student who pushes all your buttons. 

Challenges exist, but the resolve to be more like Christ overcomes.  And with that resolve, I’m learning, comes resolution.  It’s all part of the story, the good and the bad, and we’re better people when we resolve to fight through it. 

Maybe that’s my real New Year’s resolution.