purpose.

word of the day: purpose /ˈpərpəs/ something that one hopes or intends to accomplish

I taught my ninth graders about author's purpose today.  We talked about how every writer has a reason for writing, and that every writer brings a unique perspective to the craft.  We talked about word choice and the fact that writers very deliberately choose words to extend their tone.

I always love a good discussion about words.

So, here I sit, five hours after my discussion on purpose has ended as a writer seemingly without a purpose.  There's not a coherent plan in my mind, just the desire to let my fingers tap, tap across my keyboard because the rhythmic sound is therapeutic to my ever-buzzing mind.  The tap, tap reminds me that it's ok to slow down. 

It's quiet in my house right now.  Jake's headphones are plugged into his ears while he listens to the latest med school lecture, but every now and then he'll whistle whatever song is playing in his mind.  I don't really notice the whistling anymore--white noise I guess.  I'm not even sure he notices.

Jake and I are really good at appreciating breaks.  Last Christmas break, we watched two entire seasons of Parks and Recreation in three days.  We didn't reach such an impressive feat this year, but we did manage to get through twelve episodes of "Friday Night Lights" in four days. 

I'm a sucker for drama.  There's something about watching what seems to be another person's real life that glues me to the screen.  The pilot episode of FNL (what real fans call it apparently) had me crying already.  And apparently that's not even the most emotional episode. 

Good grief.

I've been trying to look at my world as Jesus looks at my world.  I've been trying to take a moment each morning in my classroom to ask Him to let me see my world through His eyes.  I'm learning that my lens and God's lens are often very different.  I'm also learning that they don't have to be.  When I look through my world through God's lens, ultimately the tone and purpose of my day becomes drastically different.

There we go.  I wasn't sure if I was going to make it full circle this time. 

My lens is clouded.  It's clouded most often, I'm learning, by pride.  Pride affects the way I look at my world because it inevitably focuses the lens on myself. 

When I view my world as Jesus views my world, the people who frustrate me are the people who need love the most.  The people who aggravate me are the people who need grace the most.  The people who would generally go unnoticed suddenly become placed at the forefront of my mind.

Because God notices the unoticeable.

It's a scary prayer to pray, "Let me see the world through Your eyes," but I'm glad my pastor encouraged me to pray it.  It reminds me on a daily basis that it's not enough to simply go through my day hoping God uses me in some form or another. 

It involves me in the purpose, it provides me with perspective, and it reflects the tone of my heart.

carry.

word of the day: carry \ˈka-rē\ to move while supporting

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

                                                      i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

                                      e e cummings

We all carry with us someone else's heart.  And when we carry with us someone else's heart, our own heart becomes vulnerable.  My friend, Laura, always says that your heart resides outside of your body when you bring new life into the world.  While I don't understand that statement firsthand, I am reminded tonight that there are many people in my life whose hearts are aching.  They carry the heart of someone who is not with them.  Someone they long for or pray for or just can't quite reach.

I'm reassured that e e cummings isn't the only one who has something to stay about carrying someone else's heart. 

“Like a shepherd he tends his flock: he gathers up the lambs in his arm; he carries them close to his heart; he leads the ewes along.”

                                      Isaiah 40:11

And, here is the deepest secret that isn't really a secret(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than a soul can hope or mind can hide)

God carries us in His heart(He carries us in His heart).

musings.

word of the day: musings \ˈmyüz-ing\ to become absorbed in thought; especially : to turn something over in the mind meditatively and often inconclusively

It's a stream of consciousness sort of night. 

Actually it's an I-should-really-have-been-in-bed-30-minutes-ago kind of night, but writing beckons for no other reason than to still my mind.

There are three glass containers on my coffee table.  There is a cold mug of coffee, a warm glass of wine, and a small, empty, glass bowl that, not long ago, housed a handful of chocolate chips.  Clearly my priorities are in order.

If you could measure the rate of speed that a mind can move, I feel as though mine would measure off the charts.  Like as if it's already completely unmeasurable, mine would be even more completely unmeasurable.  Even my musings are having a hard time taking form because the thoughts are so densely embedded in every free space of my mind. 

I have rediscovered my love of learning.  Lately, I have been spending my weekend nights with a highlighter in one hand and a book on some sort of Educational topic in the other.  Grading practice.  Inquiry Circles.  School Improvement.  Alternate Assessments.  Homework.  You name it.  I've been reading it. 

Sometimes I get lost in the cloud that is my thoughts.  All the aforementioned topics float around begging to be put into practice and I find myself having to remind myself that I don't have to solve all the world's problems in a day.  Kids are learning.  I'm closer than I was yesterday.

Viruses attacked my computer this week and all those times I said to myself, "Just back up all your files next week," turned into a very real regret. 

I introduced the concepts of theme and symbol to my ninth graders today, so I suppose a current theme of my life could be, "Don't wait until tomorrow what could be done today."  The symbol, then, is probably all the perfectly organized files that are now lost in cyberspace.  What do they symbolize? For lack of a better word, laziness, I suppose.

I've been reading through Philippians sporadically this week.  I find myself continually reminded of the following:

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
                                       - Philippians 2:3-4

#thatonehitclosetohome

I'm getting pretty good at Twitter.

The clock just turned 11.  That means if I don't take a shower in the next ten minutes, I'll be awake when Late Night with Jimmy Fallon comes on, and it's nearly impossible for me to go to bed if I stay up almost late enough to watch his show.  Because almost late enough is basically late enough and then I might as well just stay up through the opening monologue. 

But really, I-should-have-been-in-bed-an-hour-ago, so shower it is. 

Happy musings!