crisis.

word of the day: crisis \ˈkrī-səs\ an emotionally significant event or radical change of status in a person's life; the turning point

I bought a tube of lipstick the other day¹.

I saw a picture of a girl wearing lipstick in a magazine that mysteriously gets delivered to my house every month and decided in that moment that I had to own some.  It’s noteworthy that I bought a tube of lipstick because I’ve never worn lipstick a day in my life.  But now I do.  And, I even like it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that tube of lipstick since I bought it.  Mostly, I think, because it reminds me of my mom.  Unlike me, my mom has always worn lipstick.  Hers always came in really shiny gold tubes, and I loved to look at them when I was a kid.  Moms wear lipstick, at least mine always did and does, so when I bought that tube, I had this feeling that I was really solidifying myself in the ranks of motherhood.  Or, in the least, I was finally becoming an adult.  Or something.

I guess, for a very small moment, I wrapped my identity up in the idea of lipstick.  Which seems a strange thing to think unless you know me very well, and then you might know that I’m often thinking about identity (it’s a recurring theme in my life).

I wrote my last post about how motherhood has not so much changed me as it has revealed me.  Since then, I don’t think I have done as much thinking about identity as I really should have².

You see, I think I lost sight of who I am for a while. I forgot amidst the diapers and papers and books and toys and dinners and studying and everything else that spins around on my plates that, I am, above all, a citizen with God’s people and a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit (Ephesians 2: 19 &22).

I am not defined by the fact that I’m a mom any more than I’m defined by a silly little tube of lipstick (Coral Ambition to be very specific.  I just took a quick break to put some on). 

I had a thought recently that I have been having somewhat of a suppressed identity crisis. That was quickly followed by a thought that an identity crisis sounded like a pretty bad thing.  Then that really got me thinking.

Isn’t every day an identity crisis?  Words like significant event, radical change, and turning point stand out to me in the definition.  It seems to me that each day I am faced with a choice of what to believe about myself.  The significance of that choice is obvious and the implications are endless.  When I believe lies about who I am and when I lose focus on Truth, I succumb to things like self-pity, fear, despair (and on and on and on). 

I guess I concluded that an identity crisis is not such a bad thing.  A crisis is just a turning point, after all.  It’s what you choose in those moments that have the power to change you.  And, in this moment, I choose Truth.

And lipstick, obviously. 

She knows what's up.  It's like she can see inside my soul.

¹ I recognize that this is rather a strange way to begin a blog post after complete radio silence for 6 months and poor “blogsmanship” for the entire year prior.  There are reasons, yes of course there are reasons, but none of them are yet print ready.  So, there you go.  In case you were wondering.

² This is the most likely reason for the previously mentioned “complete radio silence.” And by “most likely,” I know that it is.  I just don’t want to write about it yet.