word of the day: freeze \ˈfrēz\ to become fixed or motionless
I’ve been wishing I had
the ability to freeze time lately. Take
a moment and live in it for as long as I want.
Soak it in. Savor it.
Life doesn’t really work
like that though, so I’m left with taking mental pictures. Memorizing the room the first time we heard
baby’s heartbeat, so I can close my eyes and return to exactly that place. Sinking lower in my chair the first time I
feel baby kick, so I can remember exactly how it felt. Staring at myself in the mirror before our
ultrasound, so I know that no detail goes unnoticed. The color of my scarf. The curl of my hair. The feeling the first time that face popped
up on the screen.
I’m very aware that no
other pregnancy will be like this one.
This is the baby who changes things.
Who teaches my heart a different kind of love. Who, like my friend Laura says, pulls my
heart on the outside of my body and asks it to reside there. Who changes the very nature of who I am.
This is the baby who makes
me a mom.
The idea is hard to
digest. That these moments, often
miniscule in time frame and fleeting in nature, will never come back
again. Well they will, and they’ll still
be grand, but I know they will be different.
And so I continue to do my
best to freeze time. To throw my head
back, close my eyes, and revel in the amazing things Jake and I are blessed
enough to experience right now.
