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Tuesday, January 22, 2013

freeze


word of the day: freeze \ˈfrēz\  to become fixed or motionless

I’ve been wishing I had the ability to freeze time lately.  Take a moment and live in it for as long as I want.  Soak it in.  Savor it.

 Life doesn’t really work like that though, so I’m left with taking mental pictures.  Memorizing the room the first time we heard baby’s heartbeat, so I can close my eyes and return to exactly that place.  Sinking lower in my chair the first time I feel baby kick, so I can remember exactly how it felt.  Staring at myself in the mirror before our ultrasound, so I know that no detail goes unnoticed.  The color of my scarf.  The curl of my hair.  The feeling the first time that face popped up on the screen.

 I’m very aware that no other pregnancy will be like this one.  This is the baby who changes things.  Who teaches my heart a different kind of love.  Who, like my friend Laura says, pulls my heart on the outside of my body and asks it to reside there.  Who changes the very nature of who I am.

 This is the baby who makes me a mom.

 The idea is hard to digest.  That these moments, often miniscule in time frame and fleeting in nature, will never come back again.  Well they will, and they’ll still be grand, but I know they will be different. 

 And so I continue to do my best to freeze time.  To throw my head back, close my eyes, and revel in the amazing things Jake and I are blessed enough to experience right now. 
 

3 comments:

Katie J. Chiaramonte said...

While your languishing in every moment remember what my good friend told me. Don't only find yourself there, find God there. He is in every moment you will have with your baby. He is waiting to speak to you through every kick, every contraction, every interaction with your medical team. Remember to open your eyes to God's face and your ears to His voice as He teaches you things through your children you'll only learn by letting Him speak to you through these unique and cherished moments.

Anonymous said...

so beautifully said. thanks for sharing :) miss you!! (holli)

Aimee said...

Oh my goodness. Was finally able to finish reading this gem. Love love love. I am so thrilled for you guys and can't wait to meet Little One. I won't be the newest Flinkman anymore! =)