five.

word of the day: five \ˈfīv\ a number that is one more than four

 

Lately I catch myself thinking about the girl who walked down the aisle toward Jake five years ago. She exists primarily in my memories because I feel an entirely different version of that girl today.

I could say that the past five years have been the easiest years I have lived, but they haven't been. In truth, one of the best decisions I have ever made has brought with it some of the most challenging moments of my life.

I don't know why that's what is on the forefront of my mind this anniversary. Why the moments I find myself calling to mind are the moments of tears. Moments when I have said to Jake things like, "I can't do that," "I don't think I am strong enough," or "I'm scared." They are moments on park benches, in airplanes, and on hospital beds.

And yet, here I am today. On the other side of all those moments mostly because Jake walked with me through them.

With minimal sarcasm even.

I'm a better today because Jake has helped teach me to step outside of myself. He has pushed me to do things I never thought myself capable of and has encouraged me in those moments of hesitation.

In turn, I have taught him how to be more cautious and less risky.

;-)

Ten years ago I would have told you that I wanted to marry someone safe. Someone who build me a house with a white picket fence and let me live in Des Moines forever.

I find myself increasingly thankful that our marriage is safe. But it isn't safe because our life together is easy. It's safe because I know that whatever lies ahead of us we'll face together and that he'll keep cheering me on each moment I'm unsure of myself.

I'm not the same girl I was 5 years ago. I have since accepted new challenges, embraced new ideals, and adapted to new roles. I'm a better version of the girl in the white dress thanks to the ways God continues to use Jake to sharpen me.