My favorite scene from the book The Giver is the very first one. In anticipation of the night's sharing of feelings, Jonas spends the beginning pages of the story trying to land on the exact word to convey his feelings about the upcoming Ceremony of Twelve. He starts with frightened but deems it too strong an adjective. He moves through eager, excited, and nervous before landing on the one. Apprehensive.
I have been attempting to do the same this week. Find one word to describe exactly what I'm feeling in this current moment in time.
Then I realized there isn't just one word.
This thought process actually began on a particularly lousy day in December. I snapped the following picture; Lily was blurry per usual, but she was making me smile. It was a brief reminder in that moment that I didn't have to just feel lousy. I could also feel joy.
It came full circle for me this past week when I was reading about Mary. She goes through a handful of emotions when the angel tells her she'll give birth to the Savior of the world. She's first troubled, then confused, and finally speaks these words: "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; Let it be to me according to your word" (Luke 1: 38).
I highlighted those words around Christmastime because I wanted to respond in my hard times as Mary did in hers. Total acceptance. She did accept her responsibility fully and joyfully, but what I realized this week is that I don't think Mary can be defined by her acceptance alone. I think that she must also have been continually plagued by fear and and confusion as the days moved forward; she was a person after all. Yet, she remained faithful in spite of those things. Pressed forward even when it didn't all make sense. Treasured the moments and pondered them in her heart.
So, today there's not just one word. There's only blank space1 which serves as a holding cell for all the words that could be inserted.
It's easy to get hung up on the heavy words. I can sometimes be a bottom dweller with the likes of anxiety, fear, and resentment, but in light of my rebellion against a single word tonight, I think I'll attempt to elevate to the good ones.
To the love.
Adventurous.
Excited.
Thankful.
Reflective.
Joyful.
I highlighted those words around Christmastime because I wanted to respond in my hard times as Mary did in hers. Total acceptance. She did accept her responsibility fully and joyfully, but what I realized this week is that I don't think Mary can be defined by her acceptance alone. I think that she must also have been continually plagued by fear and and confusion as the days moved forward; she was a person after all. Yet, she remained faithful in spite of those things. Pressed forward even when it didn't all make sense. Treasured the moments and pondered them in her heart.
So, today there's not just one word. There's only blank space1 which serves as a holding cell for all the words that could be inserted.
It's easy to get hung up on the heavy words. I can sometimes be a bottom dweller with the likes of anxiety, fear, and resentment, but in light of my rebellion against a single word tonight, I think I'll attempt to elevate to the good ones.
To the love.
Adventurous.
Excited.
Thankful.
Peaceful.
Reflective.
Joyful.
Also, as I side note, I fully intend on implementing a sharing of feelings around our dinner table at least once a week as soon as the girls are old enough. I think I'll be less concerned about the preciseness of language, though. In my world, you can use as many words as you want.
1 Yes, that is a shout out to my girl, Taylor Swift.
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