identity.

word of the day: identity \ī-ˈden-tə-tē\ the distinguishing character or personality of an individual

I had every intention of writing a new post every day of break. Then these happened:

Instead of writing a blog post every day, I have instead been writing things like, "be more specific", "needs clearer commentary", and "where is your transition?". Occasionally I get to write, "this was refreshing!", "excellent job!", or "hang this one on the fridge!". Breaks become necessary when I find myself writing "huh?" and "this is confusing" more often than I would like.

But, the essays are out of sight and out of mind for the time being. Now it's just me, Ginny, and the random thoughts spinning around in my head. Try to stay with me.

The other day I found myself thinking about things like perfume, Howie Day, and the way I write my "o's". They were all very separate thoughts, and then somehow I think they sort of connected. Let's see if I can make this work (without being too long winded of course).

I found a bottle of Gap Dream lotion at my parents' house last week. I smelled it and was immediately transported back to middle school.
I'm sure I lathered on the dream before my eighth grade formal (see above left). The more you put on, the longer it lasts, right?

The flashback smell got me thinking about all the other significant smells I can remember. For instance, 'Love Spell' will forever remind me of my friend Kara and the time she spilled a bottle all over a bunk at our 9th grade spiritual emphasis retreat. 'Happy' takes me back to high school prom, 'Romantic Wish' reminds me of dates with Jake, and 'Angel Whispers' makes me feel like I have to go to work. My smells have changed with time.

I used to go through song phases in college. For a period of time, my musical tastes centered around a single song and I would listen to that one song until I couldn't stand it any longer. It all started with 'Swing Swing' by the All-American Rejects. From there it was 'Somebody Like You' by Keith Urban, 'Collide' by Howie Day, and 'Hope' by Alli Rogers.

Whenever I hear one of those songs, a very vivid mental picture pops into my mind. 'Somebody Like You' takes me back to football season, 'Collide' puts me back on the Minnesota Road Trip 'O Fun, and 'Hope' places me on my bunk agonizing over my then-crush on Jake.
The above is college Jake in the prime of my secret crush on him. But that's a story for another day.

I like to change my handwriting. In college, I got fancy with my g's:
Most recently, I changed my o's (see above) and added more of a cursive touch to my writing.

A few weeks ago I got tired of the way I write my 4's, so I decided to change them, too.

Apparently your handwriting says a lot about you.

According to this test, I have a strong need for contact, am rational and conservative, and am not very original.

But if that's what my handwriting says about my personality, what does it mean if I change the way I write my 'g's'? Does it altar who I am? Does it change my identity?

I have been surprising myself this week. It's almost like I'm living an out of body experience. It's me, but it's not me. My thoughts and actions aren't necessarily reflective of who I really am.

But this week, that's a good thing.

So what does that mean? Can I just change my personality? Can I just decide one day that I want to think a different way? Or worry less? Or be more thankful?

Maybe, with some effort. But, what does that say about my identity? If I'm constantly changing aspects of my personality, how can I ever know who I really am?

Apparently changing my handwriting doesn't really altar my personality. Apparently, the people who make a living out of analyzing handwriting can tell it's you even if you change your letters. Like, something about your writing stays the same even if you tweak it.

Such is the same about life, I suppose. I can tweak my personality and surprise myself with the way I respond to certain situations. I can change my perfume, song choice, and even the slant of my letters, but at the root of it all, there is something inherent about me that won't change.

At the root of it all is my identity in Christ.

And, at this point, the thought process stops there.